THE FAÇADE
Welcome to the lounge! I’m glad to have you back! If this is your first time visiting the lounge, don’t forget to read and comment on the previous post. I look forward to your input. Our monthly conversation is one to anticipate. Do you ever feel like you are overwhelmed and just need to take a personal day? Are you frustrated with the demands of work and life and need help finding some balance? Sis, you are in the right place. This read is for you! Now, I’m not a clinician, but I share my story to help those who find themselves in similar situations. Today’s Pink Apple Talk conversation will cover dealing with demanding expectations, growing frustrations, and ways to find balance. Stop what you are doing and join us in the lounge to share your story.
I love being an educator. The impact I make every year is so gratifying. My drive to be the best at what I do is so rewarding because I can see the growth, and it just means so much when your student finally has that ah-ha moment. That awakening is the best gift anyone can give, but the cost of those achievements is not cheap. Teachers are drowning, drowning in memos, emails, and data. There’s so much data. I’m continually analyzing, interpreting, and planning how to support my students. Teachers make countless sacrifices because of the devotion to the students. Even if you’re not in education, doesyour workload seem to engulf you? What do you do? It’s time I reveal what is behind the façade—submerged under the pressures of the job and fears of the pandemic. I found myself stressed and unable to meet my expectations of my family. I needed to make changes. I just knew something would have to give, but how are you available to those who need you.
4:30 PM, and it was time to do it again. I wanted to give all I could to my family, but I had little to offer. My work consumed me. It took everything I wanted to give to my family. I had not noticed until it stilled my joy. I sat in the car, trying to pull myself together to find the energy to give to my family. Now don’t judge, but sometimes work takes priority over family. Am I proud of it? Heck no! It made me feel terrible. It weighed heavily on my heart when I would leave work too exhausted to do anything with my child and family. When I wasn’t tired, I found myself doing stuff for work instead of making time for priority. I was so stressed and obsessed with being the best at my job I neglected those most important and lost so many other things. Mom guilt hit me like a ton of bricks! Have you found yourself in a similar situation? Do you believe mom guilt is a real thing? Mom guilt had me feeling miserable and made me feel like a complete failure.
I continued to ask myself, “How is it that you can teach everyone else’s child to read but not teach your own the essentials he needs for a solid foundation?” I boohooed. I was so defeated. So distraught because of the expectations I had set and couldn’t attain them. I was failing and needed to pull it together quickly. I hated it and needed to do something. I needed to find some way to balance it. I finally took back control when I realized I don’t have to meetsociety’s unfair and unrealistic expectations. I don’t have to be super, invincible, or virtually anywhere.
The balance came when I acknowledged I could say no to things that weren’t of real importance. Even though I want to be great at my job, I want to be the best for my family. I learned to prioritize what was truly significant to my life. What do you do to stay balanced? What do you find yourself trying to balance?
In the comments, share your thoughts. I look forward to contacting you next month for my next post. Meanwhile, let us stay connected and follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I will be waiting for you here in the lounge.
Unfortunately, I don’t know how to balance. I feel guilty about everything. I feel guilty about my lesson plans for the week and I don’t get through the lessons that week. I feel guilty if my students don’t grasp the concept. I feel quilt when I am asked to do something for someone and my first thought is “what do I need to push back to help them?” I feel guilty that I don’t get to just relax with my husband after coming home and making dinner I try to finish grading for tomorrow or working that next lesson to make sure I understand the material and to cut off where they will miss it. I feel quilt that instead of being able to hang out with fiends I have school work. I feel guilty if I take a day off because I have to prep so much for the sub. I feel guilty when I’m sick and have to miss.
Don’t get me wrong I new that being a teacher was not monthly vacations away from school and summers off. I new it was hard work. And I’m good with hard work. I teach my kids to work hard! I have been a teacher for 11 years this year and I had a friend who is not a teacher tell me that if something happened to her her job could replace her tomorrow, but her family could never replace her. That really hit home for me. I don’t know if I will ever get rid of the “quilts” but it put in perspective for me that if something happened to me tomorrow that Tuesday they would have someone in my place. Hopefully, I will be able to find the balance.
I couldn’t agree with you all more! This is so true. Saying no is the biggest part of finding the balance. AN, I too, am tired of everyone waiting. I hope all continue to share your experiences. I know this will help others in the long run.
Guilt? Guilty? I suffer from both. Mom guilt is real. After more than twenty years in education, I am TIRED! Tired of making my family wait. “Waiting for me to return home.” “Wait because I am planning.” “Waiting on homework assistance.” “WAITING BECAUSE I FORGOT!” I solve other people’s problems all day long yet fall asleep on my waiting family. I rise early and leave home before they rise and if I am lucky return home to a quiet empty home. NOT! My family just got tired of waiting and left me!
This was me, year 6 in education. Transitioning from teaching back home and in new state was overwhelming. One day I found myself leaving the parking lot at 7:00pm after completely reorganizing my classroom centers for the next month’s theme by myself.
In that moment I thought, why is everyone else gone and I’m stressing about a theme for centers in Pre-K?!
So I started make small changes! The first (this is hard depending on your roll in education) I took my work email off my personal cell phone. Our admin was so unrealistic that she would email teachers at 10:30pm on a Sunday and expect answers before 8:00am Monday. I set an alarm, by 4:30pm and when I goes off…I’m gone. I refused for my daughter to be the last kid a daycare because I just had to finish 1 more thing. The third thing that I implemented this year is 1 personal day per month! When I checked my days at the beginning of the school year I had 32 unused days(some rolled over from last yr bc of pandemic)!! Every year is different and this year is most definitely a game changer, literally have to take it one day at a time.
A great friend in education told me one day that there is always going to be something to do. That was just an epiphany ah ha moment for me! Even as a single with no “family”demands per se, my social life felt consumed with a mind racing about the current day, next day, or coming weeks of instruction. Giving myself a cut off time each day was a big step.